the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
