I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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