So drunk its hurt
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
2020 sucks, I want a refund
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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