So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
should my penis look like a turkey
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
