If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also, beer. Big fan.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
