i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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