I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
