This is not my ceiling
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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