i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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