new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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