and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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