Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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