Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
