I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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