I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
