I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
