i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
