I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
