My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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