I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
