dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Come on in and take your pants off
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
