she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
