oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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