And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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