Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
