we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
