Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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