Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
