May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
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when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
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And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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