Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
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Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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