Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
