my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
