he was CRYING into my vagina
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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