What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
