y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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