You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
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She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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