are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
