My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
