I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
time to smoke my breakfast
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
