no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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