So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
