I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
