Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
