If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You are the jesus of drinking
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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