Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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