found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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