i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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