Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
