New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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