If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize