we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
