i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
