We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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