I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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