i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
