i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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