forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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