You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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