We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
