So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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