opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
