i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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