finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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