You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
