my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
