He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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