i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
